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After The Storm

Tell us about your adventures, amazing stories, wow us with your wit...use your imagination, tell us some of the greatest moments in your life.

Post Thu Nov 04, 2004 2:01 am

After The Storm

I thought I might post the start of a story i've started, i've posted about it before in OT, but i've added to it, and this seems like a good place to put it.

EDIT: I just remembered. There is some explicit language in this. you have been warned.
I rate it-
It contains:
Drug references, corse language, and violence.

The Shark
I used to be a guy called Cosmic Viator, jake_langley, Griffin, raz0r_j@ck, jade_falcon, joker2015, starfox... Jared Tyers was in there somewhere too...

Edited by - Love Shark on 11/4/2004 2:04:43 AM

Post Thu Nov 04, 2004 2:03 am

The dust had settled on the massive city of Adimere. The Separatists and Desert Command had finally been educated on the true nature of the National Military Corps, and saw it to be abolished. The North Star mining operation near Adimere was declared ‘a financial loss’, and was halted. North Star had been driven from the continent, but the newly formed United Central Command still had an old problem: The Western Alliance. The Western Alliance was rumoured not to exist. No aerial shots have been taken, because anything that flies over is destroyed in the blink of an eye.

Anatoly Korenchkin lay silent. Surrounded by the high ranking officers of the UCC, his augmented body ceasing to function, the final electrons did not flow, and the nanites that once coursed throughout his body were on the silk sheets, staining them a crimson red due to the broken down iron. Anatoly had finally reached the end of his journey. His funeral service was a dignified one, the quiet congregation paying the fallen hero their respects.
“Today we mourn the passing of Major Anatoly Korenchkin.” The preacher began.
“A great man, Anatoly fought for truth and justice, and in doing so, made the final sacrifice. He died in order for millions of lives to return to their proper state.”
The preacher moved off stage and Jacob Mitchell walked in front of Anatoly.
“Here lies my mentor, my brother, my hero. You have earned a place in the hearts of all UCC citizens. And to honour this, the newly formed UCC government have ordered this simple memorial statue be placed in the centre of Adimere.”
Jacob removed the cloth covering Anatoly. His bronze likeness glistened in the low September sunlight. Arcs of colour streamed from the polished surface. Anatoly faced toward the west, looking toward the borders between the UCC and the Western Alliance.
“And this shall be his final resting place. His remains are buried beneath the statue’s feet. We pray now that both our neighbours and we the UCC can live in our own forms of peace. May you find greener pastures old friend.”
Jacob wipes a tear from his eye and walks away. The sound of guns can be heard as the nation gives their final salute to a warrior.

The Shark
I used to be a guy called Cosmic Viator, jake_langley, Griffin, raz0r_j@ck, jade_falcon, joker2015, starfox... Jared Tyers was in there somewhere too...

Post Thu Nov 04, 2004 2:06 am

5 years later, Aleksei Korenchkin looks up and admires the bronze figure in the centre of Adimere. The slender man returned his gaze toward the plaque at the statue’s base.
“Here lies Anatoly Korenchkin, Soldier of Truth, Agent of Freedom and Hero to Adimere.”
Aleksei kneeled down to get a closer look.
“I wish I hadn’t run.” Aleksei muttered to himself. A drop of rain fell on the concrete near Aleksei. Soon, a thick storm of rain and wind had encircled Aleksei. He stood up and pulled his coat shut around himself, shielding himself from the weather. He made his way slowly to his speeder, parked a few meters away.
“Farewell, brother.” Aleksei muttered, looking back at the statue. “I won’t run this time.”

Back at his hotel room, Aleksei took off his drenched jacket, hanging it on one of the room’s hooks. He then collapsed on the bed, searching through his memory. His mind whirred with feelings of angst and regret. Why had he run 26 years ago? What caused him to desert his brother, his life? Before he could ponder these questions, a knock was heard at the door of the hotel room. Aleksei was still wanted for desertion, and he was risking a lot by returning to Adimere. He sprung up, went over to his jacket and pulled out his sidearm. He slid over to the eyepiece in the door. Aleksei’s hands shook with fear; his mouth was as dry as the Adimere Desert. He slowly put his eye close to the lens built into the old wooden door. What he saw on the other side was a relief. It was a local call girl, knocking on all the hotel room’s doors. He slowly opened the door, keeping the chain lock in place.
“Are you in need of some company?” the girl fluttered, with a lack of confidence, which raised Aleksei’s anxiety levels through the roof.
“No thanks, I’m right, love” Aleksei said, his voice shaking.
“Are you sure, Mr. Korenchkin?” the girl replied.
Aleksei’s eyes widened and he leapt back from the door, pointing his pistol at the girl. Seeing the pistol, the call girl shrunk back with a small scream.
“How do you know that name!?” Aleksei questioned through all his fear and anger.
“My mother is a friend of your brother, the late Anatoly…” the girl replied meekly, with her hands still in front of her face. “She was his assistant in Remnant City…”
Aleksei was curious about this girl, but still remained cautious. He moved closer to the door, lowering his weapon at the same time.
“Mother always talked about Anatoly, especially how he was always talking about his little brother and how he disappeared after the first battle of Adimere… Mother says Anatoly said Aleksei wouldn’t have run, but even now you still have a desertion charge over your head… Why did you come back?”
Aleksei paused, questioning why he even ran in the first place.
“To pay my respects to Anatoly, that and nothing more. Now **** off honey, find some other customer.” Aleksei slammed the door behind him, silencing the hooker’s yelling.

Aleksei turned around, picking up his holster and tightening the leather straps around his waist. He packed all his clothes into his suitcase, and took his jacket off the wall. Forcing his arms into the sleeves, Aleksei paused, thinking what the hooker could tell the police. It was more reason to move faster, Aleksei thought, to get away from the UCC military police. And from this call girl. He finished putting on his jacket, and collected his things. He unlatched the door, and slowly opened the door. The girl looks up at him with a questioning look.
“Where are you going?” she asked, her voice lingering with a childish tone.
“Away. I wasn’t going to stay long anyway.”
“Why?” questioned the girl, like a child.
“Because, your mother worked with my brother, she would now work for the UCC. See my point?” Aleksei replied in an agitated tone.
“Sorry, Aleksei.”
“Would you stop calling me that!?” Aleksei growled
“Please don’t hit me!!!” she cried, with tears welling up in her eyes.
“I don’t need this ****.” Aleksei muttered. But he was the brother of Anatoly, and he still had his brother’s humanity. Even though he wanted to just leave, but Aleksei found it hard to walk away, to leave this pathetic creature in a pool of her own tears, so he abandoned his common sense for a brief second.
“Look, I’m sorry about yelling. It’s just that I’m a wanted man. I’m incognito here.” Aleksei said softly to the girl crouching down to see her face.
“Now, why are you here? Why are you looking for me?”
The girl sniffed back some tears, and spoke through the remaining.
“I’m in trouble. I can’t tell my parents though, and I have no-one else to go to.”
“But why look for me? I’m in no way related to you.”
“My mother would always talk about Anatoly, and how he would talk about his lost brother, and how his brother would help anyone in need.” The girl sniffed.
“That was a long time ago. I’m not a hero like Anatoly was. I ran like a coward. I can’t help you. I can barely help myself, let alone someone else. I have to get away from UCC land.” Aleksei explained.
“Then take me with you! Please?” the girl pleaded, latching onto Aleksei’s arm, shaking it in desperation.
Aleksei groaned, and questioned himself over the proposition. Should he take this girls word, believe her story, or leaver her here to sort out her own problems. She looked up at him with pleading eyes, searching his soul for any shred of compassion. Aleksei started to walk away.
“Wait!” the girl cried.
Aleksei looked back at the girl, who was on her knees begging him to take her, and he lost all of his logic.
Aleksei contemplated momentarily. To the girl, it seems like forever. Her desperate eyes searched him for something, anything - a hint of humanity.
Finally, he sighed.
"Just don't get in the way," he warned her, darkly.
"Oh! I won't!" the girl burst into sudden burst of energy and joy. She ran - no, bounced - towards Aleksei and enveloped him in a suffocating hug
“Hey-!” Aleksei was as almost knocked back by her enthusiasm.
“Sorry…” The girl let go and straightened up her clothes.
“Don’t worry about it. Now we got to get out of here, but first we need to get you new clothes.”
“Why?” The girl asked.
“Because you will stand out in a crowded situation.” Aleksei replied.
“Okay. My name’s Janet by the way.” She replied, her mood clearly being more positive.
“Let’s go.” Aleksei said quietly. Both of them headed out into the foyer, where Aleksei dropped off the room key, and headed out in the rain.

At a mall, not far from Anatoly’s statue, Aleksei waited inside a clothing store. The shop attendant, who is busy serving customers, took no notice of him or Janet.
“Find something dark and inconspicuous. We’re trying to blend in.” Aleksei told Janet
“I know, incognito.” Janet replied. She then went back to selecting clothes from the racks. Aleksei looked around the store, at all the bright displays, and all the bright posters on the wall. It seemed so long ago when he was young, when he would roam the streets of his hometown. Aleksei was abruptly removed from this world by Janet’s slightly annoyed tone.
“How about this?” she questioned. Janet was holding up a pair of loose black denim jeans, a navy fitted shirt, and a black jacket.
“Good enough.” Aleksei commented, “Now, let’s get out of here.”
“What, run out with the merchandise?” Janet asked, puzzled.
“No. That would cause attention. I’m not a common thief.” Aleksei replied.
Aleksei and Janet lined up for the register, and Aleksei’s mind once again began to wander. Why was he doing this? And wouldn’t this just lead to more trouble?
“Next Please.” The attendant said rather apathetically.
“Just these, thanks.” Janet replied, placing the items on the counter. The clerk scanned the items, with very little interest in her work.
“5000 creds.” She reported.
Aleksei dealt out 6000 credits and handed them over. The clerk paused.
“You’ve got 1000 extra –” the clerk was mesmerised by Aleksei.
“What?” Aleksei asked, clearly getting agitated.
“You look like Anatoly Korenchkin. That’s seriously freaky. Are you his brother? The famous long lost Korenchkin?” the attendant questioned excitedly.
“No, I’m someone else. You’ve got a mistake. Keep the change.”
Aleksei motioned to Janet to leave, and they both left the store back into the mall, leaving behind a stunned clerk who just made 1000 credits.

“So why did you run?” Janet asked, walking past people in the mall.
“None of your business.” was Aleksei’s gruff response.
“Sheesh, sorry.”
“Look, just find a toilet block. You’ve got to get changed.”
“Why?” Janet asked, confused.
“Because your clothes are drawing attention to you, which draws attention to me. And I don’t want to be discovered.” Aleksei replied.
“But why do they want you that bad?” Janet asked persistently.
“Over here,” Aleksei moved Janet over to a toilet block. “Get changed. Quickly.”
“Okay, okay,” Janet answered, “jeez…”
Aleksei waits outside the toilet block, waiting for Janet to emerge. Aleksei pulled out a cigarette and proceeded to light it. He deeply inhaled the smooth tobacco smoke, spreading the calming nicotine throughout his body, relaxing his every muscle. Five minutes passed and Aleksei had finished his cigarette, but Janet had not finished changing. He decided, against all his morals, to go and investigate. Janet lay sprawled in the corner, half naked, with a hypodermic needle in her arm, tripping out on cheap heroin.
“Great, I helped a junkie.” Aleksei muttered to himself, “Come on get up. You chose a bad place to shoot up.”
Janet replied with a garbled response.
“Great. I have to help a tripping whore get dressed. What did I do wrong in a past life?” Aleksei muttered to himself. He bent over and removed the needle, placing it in a disposal bin. He then helped Janet into her shirt, which was half on, and do up her pants. Aleksei helped Janet to her feet, and helped her put on her jacket. He started to guide her to the exit when he was stopped by two military police standing in the doorway.
“Aleksei Korenchkin. You were a fool to look for a slut in Adimere.” The first said in a cynical tone.
“You do realise that you are a traitor to the UCC?” the second stated.
Aleksei shook his head.
“How many times do I have to tell you guys? I’m not Aleksei Korenchkin. I’m James Markov.” Aleksei responded in an angry tone. “Now, under Adimere law, prostitution is legal. So if you will excuse me…”
“You got proof?” the first officer asked.
“Right here. Look.” Aleksei pulled out his wallet and showed the officers a fake id.
“Oh, ****. Sorry sir.” The first officer said apologetically.
“Our mistake. Please enjoy your purchase.” sniggered the second.
Aleksei walked out of the women’s toilet helping Janet walk back to his speeder.

Upon reaching the speeder, Aleksei loaded Janet into the passenger seat, and began to walk to the driver’s side. Another pile of **** to clean up, he thought. Aleksei began to question his own choices in running from the fight 26 years ago, whether Anatoly would approve his way of life, whether Anatoly would have come looking for him if he had lived, or whether Anatoly would have stood by him during the court marshal. Aleksei would have to once again think about this later, as two officers walked up to his speeder.
“Aleksei Korenchkin, we’ll have to add identity theft to your list of felonies. Thought you could get in and out of Adimere undetected, didn’t you?”
Aleksei didn’t pause for a second, and drew his pistol and fired it twice. Two very pronounced cracks were heard throughout the mall. Both officers fell instantaneously, leaving their lifeless bodies in a pool of their own blood. Aleksei quickly holstered his sidearm and jumped into his speeder. The engines whined into existence and provided lift for the small craft. A wind blew from beneath it, and began to dry the blood on the dead officers. Aleksei quickly piloted the craft away from the city, and left one more burned bridge behind him.

Post Sun Nov 07, 2004 5:47 pm

Theres More!

The Adimere desert was a forbidden wasteland of swirling red sands and endless dunes stretching for as far as the eye could see. Few lived in this almost inhospitable landscape, only a few hermits, or radical business ventures existed this far out. It was rumoured the old Desert Command outpost was left buried under the desert sands, but it was reported to have been destroyed by the corporate armies before any Separatist troops could arrive. But that is what the official UCC reports say. No one is sure if the base still exists or not, but has become part of Adimere folklore.

Aleksei’s small speeder floated swiftly over the red dunes, swirling up dust and debris. Its sleek lines cut through the air, the twin engines pushed the twin nosecones forward, creating miniature vortexes in the smokescreen it created around Aleksei. The artificial dust storm allowed Aleksei easy passage through the wastes; however, there was a danger, because at such low altitudes, his vision was about zero. He was flying blind. Aleksei was a good pilot though, relying more on his ancient technology, like the gauge which was controlled by a spinning top, or the one that measure air pressure to determine height. He couldn’t rely on current technology, because it could be traced if something went wrong, which it did often, to Aleksei’s dismay.

But this time something went wrong, and it wasn’t the technology to blame. Because he had been flying so low, the sand shield Aleksei had created for himself had hid a large metal shelter and Aleksei could not see this, so the speeder became well acquainted with it, wrapping most of the front end around one of the corners. The cabin, however, was located to the rear of the craft, so Aleksei was unhurt. Dazed and confused, Aleksei stumbled out of the cabin, to see what he had hit. He could see a fuzzy outline of an old underground fallout shelter, with pillbox style of cover made from a metal and concrete. The sand had settled back to its natural place, healing itself of any disturbance. Aleksei looked back, to his now wrecked speeder, which had become just another casualty of the desert sands and made Aleksei realise something horrible. He realised that the speeder should be the least of his concerns. Janet lay unconscious in the passenger seat, her crimson blood staining her slender face, and spilling onto the console. Aleksei rushed over to the speeder to assess the extent of her injuries. She was still breathing, which was a good sign, but was unresponsive to Aleksei’s attempts to bring her into a conscious state.
“****…” Aleksei cursed, under his breath. He checked for signs of internal injury. Feeling her chest and abdomen, Aleksei found two broken ribs with several large wounds on Janet’s head and arms. He carefully gathered Janet up in his arms and headed toward the shelter, hoping it would have some form of medical supplies. Drops of blood stained the sand, leaving a trail between him and the speeder.

Aleksei opened the hatch and began to work his way down the rickety ladder. His bloodstained hands were wreaking havoc in his grip, which was already compensated by the poor quality rungs on the ladder. This shaft was most likely a maintenance tunnel or the access to the topside pillbox, which could be an old sentry station. The shaft went about twenty five meters down, and opened into a sewer, littered with spent casings and old corpses, which in the dry desert had been mummified, the water in the sewer had dried up long before these people had died. They had an almost ghostly appearance, with pale skin and missing eyes. Aleksei ignored the sights, but noted that all the bodies were at a certain part of the tunnel, and that they were only corporate soldiers that were killed. Something about this place gave Aleksei the chills.
As Aleksei moved down the dried up sewer, he began to feel that something was watching him. It probably was nothing, but Aleksei felt like a million eyes were watching his every move; a sentient mind tracing his every footstep. Aleksei’s usual cool frame of mind was being eaten away by the paranoid thoughts running through his head, the raised adrenaline levels didn’t help at all. Because of the now acute sensory data being fed into his head, Aleksei thought that every single wind noise, every single creak, and every single echo was something monitoring his moves. As the sewer tunnels had begun to lose the light, because the sun was beginning to set, Aleksei switched his flashlight on to compensate for the growing darkness.

In the newfound darkness, Aleksei’s nerves were made worse. Wherever the crisp spotlight from his torch shone, Aleksei swore he saw something move. He carefully made sure Janet was still alive, ensuring he did not cause more damage to Janet’s already frail body. Her blood was staining his jacket, but that could be fixed, with a new jacket. The tunnels seemed to arc off in both directions, never ending at a conclusive point, but fading into an inky darkness. Aleksei wondered if the sewers lead anywhere, but abandoned this frame of mind when he came across a stairway embedded in the wall. The stone steps looked stable, but Aleksei was cautious. Most wartime construction projects were thrown up in a hurry, so structural integrity was not a priority. The concrete seemed stable, so Aleksei began to slowly ascend while carefully holding Janet’s injured body so it wouldn’t get damaged.

At the top of the stairs, Aleksei’s head emerged out of the top of the maintenance tunnel, scanning for any danger, for any medical facilities or light in general. The room he emerged in was an old storeroom, complete with mops, buckets, and a medium sized first aid kit. Aleksei carefully placed Janet down on an old table, turned on the room’s lights, fetched the first aid kit, and opened it. Most of the perishables were useless; only three Nano-regenerative hypo sprays were useable. Aleksei didn’t worry about what was in the hypos; he just knew that they would work on internal injuries.
“Use on patients with mild internal injuries. Nanite life: 3 minutes.” Aleksei quoted from the package. “Here goes, hope it works.”
Aleksei introduced the nanites into Janet’s bloodstream. Almost instantaneously, Janet regained consciousness, but had only very limited vision. Aleksei felt the injuries in her chest begin to heal themselves, with the help of the microscopic machines, a miniature army of medics and repairmen, working tirelessly to repair until their power cells ran out. After about two minutes, Janet’s injuries were healed enough so she could walk.
“Where are we?” Janet asked groggily, still affected by her time unconscious.
“I honestly don’t know.” Aleksei replied, waving his torch around the room. “But we aren’t going to find out standing around. We should move on.”
A small silence fell over the two, as Aleksei walked toward the door.
“Aleksei…” Janet said meekly.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t worry about it. Now we should move. I want to get out of the wastes as soon as possible. Too many bad memories.”
“And…” Janet began, in an apologetic tone, “I’m sorry,”
“Why?” Aleksei questioned.
“For shooting up in that toilet block, and for dropping in on you at the hotel.” Janet continued.
“Now is not the time for that, but I appreciate the apology.” Aleksei replied in a sympathetic tone. “Now, we should go.”
Aleksei turned the light off and the two began down the halls, disappearing into the black abyss of the complex.

The walls of this place were foreign to Aleksei, but he somehow felt connected to them. Something happened here to someone he knew. He could feel it, deep within him that somehow; there was some deep dark demon of truth, lying somewhere deep within the facility. The majority of the power systems were offline, and the majority of the systems didn’t work. Only a few lights flickered, or an old announcement system garbled a few words, which startled Aleksei at first, but became just another background noise. Janet, however, was not so easily calmed.
“Are you sure it’s just gibberish?” Janet asked, with definite fear in her voice.
“Yes. Stop asking.” was Aleksei’s gruff reply.
Another announcement came over.
“I-I-I-I-Intr-der I-in sec- sect- sector tw-tw-o C. Appreh-nd a-at a-a-al—all costs.”
Janet looked around for some form of identification, which could clue them to their location.
“Which sector are we in?”
“I don’t know. Stop asking. The security system has probably gone haywire.” Aleksei replied with his usual confidence.
The system continued in its ramblings.
“I s-s-s-see you in-in-intrudrs.”
Janet shrieked.
“Calm down, it doesn’t mean us, it’s just malfunctioning.” Aleksei said with a soothing tone, which showed frustration building up.
“Right, malfunctioning…” was Janet’s response, clearly laced with fear and anxiety.

Aleksei stood in front of the door, which was made from some form of alloy, but it stood between him and a long detour around the door. Bullets, as Aleksei had found out, had no effect, and the electronic lock needed a key code, but the keypad was broken. There seemed to be no way through this door. Through the door, Aleksei thought, trying to formulate a way around. That was it! Around! Aleksei checked the edges, and found concrete. He tapped it, checking if it was hollow. It was.
“What are you doing?” Janet asked.
Aleksei drew his gun.
“What does it look like? Can’t go through, might as well go around.”
Aleksei fired three shots at the wall. Three holes appeared and the concrete began to crack. Aleksei’s boot finished the job, sending powdered cement everywhere, and a large hole where his foot had been. Aleksei fanned the dust away from his face, peering though the hole. A small amount of light filtered through, illuminating the dust particles that hung in the air.
“There’s something on the other side, but I can’t see what it is,” reported Aleksei. “It looks like an old lab or something like that, I dunno. It’s hard to see from here.”
Aleksei began to clear the debris away from the wall.
“You have I-I-I-I-I-injured-d-d-d meee-. I will Not AlloW-w ThIS!”
Janet screamed. Aleksei’s normal calmness was quickly replaced by a small amount of apprehension.
“I didn’t hear that. Someone must be playing a prank… maybe a way of hiding something by scaring the crap out of visitors. Yeah that’s it.” Aleksei muttered to himself. There was a moment of silence as both of them contemplated the idea.
Hush fell over them again. Janet seemed paralysed with fear. Aleksei regained his composure; his confidence seemed to grow.
“Well, since the most of the security grid is malfunctioning, it should be safe from here on, I hope…” was Aleksei’s response.
“You hope? What you’re not sure?”
“Hope is humanity’s greatest strength; don’t doubt it.”
“Let’s hope you’re right.”

The Shark
I used to be a guy called Cosmic Viator, jake_langley, Griffin, raz0r_j@ck, jade_falcon, joker2015, starfox... Jared Tyers was in there somewhere too...

Post Sun Nov 07, 2004 9:30 pm

Any comments on this story? im looking for opinions mainly on the editing and technicals of it.


Post Mon Nov 08, 2004 5:25 am

1. Break up the conversations, adding a single spaceline between the different people talking, as it makes it easyer to read. Yes, it makes the story physically longer, but that isn't a problem.

2. If a char. cureses, state that "Tom cursed under his breath at how he was treated" with out adding an actual curse. It keeps it cleaner than having ****** added and less offence if you had added the curse word itself.

3. Break the paragraphs apart more, when adding conversation. You stop a line in the middle, but didn't space the section out as much. That way, a new though is stated, and the conversation is emphasized more.

Good start though.

Edited by - Finalday on 11/8/2004 8:20:39 AM

Post Thu Nov 11, 2004 3:32 pm

thanks fd.

Post Fri Nov 12, 2004 10:37 am

I remember this..its pretty good

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