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Elephant Valley

Tell us about your adventures, amazing stories, wow us with your wit...use your imagination, tell us some of the greatest moments in your life.

Post Fri Sep 17, 2004 11:05 am

not bad at all bp.

Post Fri Sep 17, 2004 7:00 pm

like i said before real well, real swell i only hope my upcoming book will rival the potato's amazing flare

Edited by - DSQrn on 9/18/2004 5:22:14 AM

Post Sat Sep 18, 2004 7:03 pm

Excellent. That's just about the only word I can use. Apart from a few little typos (and, lets face it, nobody is immune to those) it's practically perfect. The only problem I had was that during some of the longer conversations - this one comes to mind:

On Hill 55, an assistant operations officer dropped a stack of yellow message slips on the intelligence chief's field desk. The gunnery sergeant took the stack and glanced through the first few until he saw the snipers report.
"What's going on with my best two men?" he asked the young lieutenant.
"They reported contact this morning and asked for illumination rounds on call through the night. They say they have a sizable NVA unit pinned behind a paddy dike in Elephant Valley. Division wants to wait and see what develops."
"What's Division going to do if the NVA decide to overrun our boys?"
They have units ready to move by chopper. They can be in there in less than an hour. I think Division wants to see if the enemy goes in to pull their men out of the fire and then they'll hit em."
"You think those two can hold for an hour if they're stormed?"
"No. But I don't think they'll storm those two, they probably have the enemy scared half to death."


I found it easy to lose track fo the speaker. That's easily remedied though. Just toss in a few more narration points. Other than that it's great. It really seems like you know your stuff. I just hope you're not finished.

Edited by - CODENAME on 9/18/2004 8:04:59 PM

Post Sun Sep 26, 2004 6:57 pm

In a word..... Wow.

Post Wed Sep 29, 2004 1:39 am

Simply...totally...utterley brilliant

I love the smell of Napalm in the morning

Post Wed Sep 29, 2004 11:51 am

Excellent Bake . Now that brings up some memories ....

Post Sat Oct 15, 2005 1:45 am

Thanks for the comments...
I may add more when I get some time.

Post Sun Jan 08, 2006 5:59 am

it's superb, Keith; it's almost like being there. I'm glad you put it down in text and shared it wth us all, accounts derived from actual experience even though presented as fiction are infinitely superior to second-hand stuff gleaned from films and TV.

Post Tue Apr 17, 2007 1:16 am

Again Bake, this is absolutely fantastic. It's like been there in the midst of the whole afair. Well done!

Post Tue Apr 24, 2007 8:26 am

I have to agree. That is one heck of a story. More we want more stories like that.

Post Thu May 03, 2007 7:20 pm

Excellent!
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