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Autism Quackery

This is where you can discuss your homework, family, just about anything, make strange sounds and otherwise discuss things which are really not related to the Lancer-series. Yes that means you can discuss other games.

Post Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:32 pm

believe you me, Hopalong, if I were to describe it to you, you would wither and cringe at the thought of the agony and humiliation. And it was a lovely young Chnese lady doctor doing the procedure, too, and an attractive dark-haired lady in her 40s held my hand while I squirmed through the dreadful horror. I thought they were just going to feel me bumps or summat, and they did that to me instead, with the classic "this won't hurt much, Your Pious Serenity.." no luv, it isn't hurting you at all, it's hurting me an awful lot though!

and to cap it right off, at the end when I was getting dressed, Miss ***, the lovely Chinese doctor, said that for my next appointment, they were going to stick one up the other place! Like hell, I said; I'm off back to Tawakalnistan, luv, I've got some camels to muck out.

I felt like I'd been violated. raped, even. yech. vile. I'm never going near the doctors' surgery again! I give it the evil eye on my way past now. Mrs Taw says that's how she feels every time she has a smear test, so she wasn't exactly brimming with the old tea & sympathy when I eventually staggered home.

@mustang - no you can't have the lady doctor's number.

Post Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:52 pm

Ah the joys of getting older. I hope by the time i reach that age such proceedures will be updated. Drink some miniscule robots which will beam the images back to them as they pass through. Yeah, one can only hope

Taw, if you didn't make at least one totally inappropriate comment (such as "Look like you're used to slipping it in", or "My wife has to buy me dinner before she can play with it"... you know, something completely wrong.... then I am disappointed

Edited by - Chips on 11/4/2007 3:53:27 PM

Post Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:32 pm


@mustang - no you can't have the lady doctor's number.



Oh not me brother. See I suffer from haemerroids and about 3 odd years ago I decided i'd get them checked out. None the less I came as close as a man could get to a 'negative-erection' when the doc decided he'd stick his finger up my arse. I, much like you, felt violated, it took me a couple of days to recover from it. Even thinking about it gives me the heebie-jeebies and makes my bowel clench up in fear.

Post Mon Nov 05, 2007 2:33 pm

Posts like the above are the reason that everyone on TLR laments the fact that Musty doesn't have a "blog" either .

*Shakes head* Has the OT forum really become so devoid of topics that you (not me) are reduced to discussing embarrassing medical procedures? Well?

Post Mon Nov 05, 2007 2:49 pm

well excuse me, Mr Hare, but I don't see you coming up with any topics, apart from a box of tangerines, in how many months is it now? and most of your posting consists of nothing but hopping out of and back into shadows. At least the Muskrat and I try, which is more than I can say for *some* - naming no names of course <harumph> "esquilax"

And I might add that this is a medical thread, although admittedly we did stray somewhat from the point after a bit, as per usual! but we did discuss the autistic spectrum and treatments and how these relate to our personal situations, so i think we did quite well there really. And we managed to generate some humour, at mine and Muskie's expense (again)

So stop complaining rabbits in dank burrows shouldn't throw stones, or something like that.

Post Mon Nov 05, 2007 3:35 pm

Once you've been penetrated at the doctors office you tend to look at embarrassing medical procedures more as a source of humour than a source of revulsion....and why the hell not, they're retrospectively the highpoint of hilarity, especially to others who've suffered and survived a 'medical raping.'

Post Mon Nov 05, 2007 3:48 pm

Musty, I've had that problem for years, but, NO doctor is getting any where NEAR them. I just have to live on more fiber foods.

The Physical, is follow up on low Good cholesteral, and my high blood pressure. That and my over doing it on tyloneal for head aches. It raised my liver count a bit.

Post Mon Nov 05, 2007 4:30 pm

Taw - Are you challenging me to create a topic? Very well, what kind of topic would you like? How about "101 Useful Things to do With Sand", or "Growing Old Gracefully"? They are relevant forum topics for some members of this forum... Taw.

Musty - Fair enough, but I wouldn't mention my negative medical experiences on a public board . Although I remember one occasion in which I had this nasty snarl in my coat...

Edited by - esquilax on 11/5/2007 4:31:24 PM

Post Mon Nov 05, 2007 4:42 pm

but I'd love to hear what happened on your last *trip* to the veterinary's; he didn't do that thing with the cold thermometer again, did he? You'd have thought he'd have the decency to warm it up a bit! (before, not after - ewww!)

Post Mon Nov 05, 2007 4:47 pm


Musty, I've had that problem for years, but, NO doctor is getting any where NEAR them. I just have to live on more fiber foods.


Ahmen, i've got like a 44-gallon drum of metamucil at home, works a feckin treat and I actually quite like the taste.


Come-on Esq, confess your medical problems so we can laugh at you.

Post Mon Nov 05, 2007 6:40 pm

I happen to have Aspergers and ADHD, I contribute that to the fact I am able to build computers, and for my "gift" in medival siege weaponry (I.E. a TREBUCHET that can fling a watermelon 350 feet!

Post Mon Nov 05, 2007 6:53 pm

*ignores squeamish mewlings coming from dank hole in the ground*

Fiber and water FD. Don't forget proper hydration. But you're going to HAVE to have the experience my friend. You know which cancer is the number one killer for males, right? Even though they have blood screens, the most reliable method of detection is ...the annual fickle finger of fate. No matter how often, it is not something to which one becomes accustomed but ... it I look upon it as a health check up necessity.

And demographically, I'm not even a likely candidate. You, on the other hand, I regretfully must advise are in that demographic.

Post Tue Nov 06, 2007 5:05 pm

Taw/Llama - I ain't tellin' you nothin'! Oh, alright. I'll tell you this tale, but only because I have mentioned it before. It all began about eight years ago *cue ripple effect and harp music*...

I was experiencing pain in my back molars, and went to see a new dentist that had opened up (a little Jewish man called "Hillel" I believe). He examined my teeth and discovered that I had two cavities (the only cavities I have had), that were located at the bottom of deep fissures that were too narrow for a toothbrush's bristles. He stated that I would need to have fillings and some fissure seals to prevent the problems from reappearing. As I was about to leave, he stated that it was a fairly minor procedure and that I wouldn't need any anaesthetic injections.

I returned a week later, and was soon ensconced on the too-short dentist's chair. The dentist took out a syringe, and I said "I don't have a problem with needles, but didn't you say that I wouldn't need an anaesthetic?" The dentist turned around and said "You don't want anaesthetic? Alright." and then shoved a drill in my mouth. The next half an hour was... unpleasant. I have always had very sensitive (yet healthy) teeth, and the experience certainly encouraged me to take even better care of them. In the end though, it was done and I haven't had a problem since. The lesson? Take care of your teeth, and try to have anaesthetic when you have fillings. Trust me, it's not a fun experience .

Edited by - esquilax on 11/6/2007 5:19:21 PM

Post Tue Nov 06, 2007 6:17 pm

I had a filling without anaesthetic when I was 8, my school dentist was a sadistic butcher who liked to hurt little children, especially me. It was a most unpleasent experience but the thing that topped it off was that the filling fell out 2 minutes after I left.....no feckin way was I going back for a second round, so I just left it. I assume it was fixed at a later dental visit.

Post Wed Nov 07, 2007 3:37 am

I had a dentist called Mr Savage once, and he was, very.


I am able to build computers


yeh so? I can too and so can other people, it's not a prerequisite. My kid's on the autistic spectrum and he can't build computers, but I'm not and I can. I don't see that the connection is necessarily that obvious or direct (but I'm not denying that it exists to some extent)

Edited by - Tawakalna on 11/8/2007 7:27:35 AM
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